I've always had a kinder heart than most--too generous, too giving, too naive most times. However, I don't believe I can say with honesty that I have always chosen the inspirational path. Sometimes it was just easier to hate life. It felt easier to just give up and surrender to all the pain and sorrow life threw at me. Sometimes I felt that the right thing to do was to stay angry and sad, because being happy was too much of a risk just to have it taken away from me. I have never really been the strongest person emotionally. There are times when I really do GREAT to get out of bed. Although, for a great portion of my life I have been kind hearted, there have been times when bitterness got the best of me, and I didn't have a kind word to say. I have made my share of mistakes, and I have had to learn from their consequences. One really complicated thing about life, which may be the most complicated thing, are the stones that are thrown at us that seem to have no reason--no explanation as to why we had to be hit with such a hard, hard situation. We all have these stones thrown at us. Life doesn't pick who it does this to. We all suffer at some point in time. Personally, the hardest burden for me to carry was the unanswered question, "Why?" And when there seems to be no logical answer to that question, all kinds of bitterness and blame starts to take place. I had to learn that no matter who you are, a life full of perfected happiness and peace here on earth was never ever promised. It is guaranteed to be interrupted by trials, tribulation, sorrow, pain, and things beyond our control. That's for every living being. It came to the point that I had to make a choice, and everyone in some way at some time has to make this same choice. I had to either surrender to sorrow and pain, or stand again and find within myself and within this life what sorrow and pain want me to believe doesn't exist....hope. You may surrender to hate, to sorrow, to pain...but you are only surrendering to what has made this world as painful as it is. There are times that we have to gather our tears, our fears, our past situations (mistakes and all), and use them to help ourselves and to help others. Getting back up after a hard fall isn't something that can be done quickly. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes strength and faith. It may even seem like we don't have strength and faith at the time to get back up, but it is better to put forth an effort to find it and to claim it...than to just say it is lost. It may even get to the point we may feel we have no purpose. Sure, it doesn't seem so obvious at times why we are here, but I feel that we all have one common purpose and that is to help someone else. Some may ask, "How can I help someone else when I cannot even help myself?" Putting your situations aside for just one second to put a smile on someone else's face is one second you didn't have to worry about you. It is possible to help yourself by helping others. Some people may not want your help. You don't have to force help on anyone, but offer what you can just to know within yourself that you did your part. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all have hard times. We all cry. Whatever you are going through, there is someone somewhere who understands. I don't know where you stand spiritually, and of course that is always your choice... but I personally have to end this with....don't be afraid to pray. You may be full of doubt, you may have prayed many times already, you may feel that you've made so many mistakes there's no need of praying. Find that little mustard seed of faith within your soul, and pray. Jesus does love you.

~T.S. Wilkins~

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